Fake Smiles

A week of alone time has much to offer me, especially in self realization, self understanding and self development. I never know respond to things alone gave me more space to breath and rest. It's never been an incident or an event that lead me to my path now, rather than its always a tolerations of strings of events. When it hits the red bar, it just need a tiny spark to set it exploding.

Anyway, it had been happening for quite some time, that i felt friendship lost its integrity of love and understanding, too much fake smiles and talk just to be careful of what the consequences might be. One talk to me about friendship, that I do not care and understand her situation. "I never took time to understand you?" first thing came to my mind. I felt people are taking for granted of what they have and owned when things are happening at ease to what they wanted. As again, people are disposable. No one cant move on without the existence of one person.

Truthfully, I felt free that I no longer need to take care, lead, or keep a list of what everyone needs and wants. I don't know how I sound to everyone right now, may it be selfish, or childish, or loosing faith in mankind, it doesn't matter to me. I may hate or dislike friends right now, but i know sooner or later, that heart of mine will regain its passion and trust to do what I do best, making people stick together. For now, that heart is sobbing in a dark corner, saddened by the case that people are not being real and true to themselves, or in another lost of love, and covered by self-centerness for benefits.

I hope we can all put down that mask and really start thinking, really deeply that what we do, is it for the great of people, or is it purely the benefit of ourself. When we say we cross the line, what set the distance or the line, money? Everyone wants to save more money for themselves, why not think of a better and fair way, rather than pushing the unseen cost to be bare by another one.

I end this, with the hopes of the days we would no longer need the existence of fake smiles around.

Bye Facebook, Hi Blogger

In a way, we know everything follows a certain trend, from fashion till human behavior. The weakest thing on earth, the human minds. Its so rigid that they tend to always follow what's common. Anything beyond common would known as weird, or against the law. Today, I stand in the thin line between whats normal and weird.What I'm happy is, I stand alone.

Overwhelming

I'm quite sick with a lot of stereotyping statement, "too much work too little time", "not enough sleep", "i'm so tired", etc. Can see this in facebook almost everyday. 

I felt the instant relieved of my stress after my dad and sis dropped by yesterday and pay me a visit, it just felt very natural, I talk what I want to talk, I do what I want to eat. It just feel free. I've been too bounded by what we call theory of life here, like "somethings are not meant to say", "usage of words", "relevance of the topic of chat", "options for food", and many others.

Writing till this point, maybe I'd just magnified my own problems. Apart from all those issues that I'd been complaining, that's actually just one main one. It's always a hard matter to talk about, I want people to know but I can't let everyone know, otherwise, people would think I'm making publicity of it. I think the reason I would want to write in a blog, its probably some read it and some don't read it. Yet, I still need consider the consequences of such decision to write about it here.

Sometimes I wonder whether I'm over obsess with statement like this "great power comes great responsibility" and "either you die as a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself turn into a villain". In a more realistic world, it's not about having any superpowers, but having a clear mind and a strong heart. When I was having supper yesterday night, I saw this statement from a TV ads, "if you can't change it, change yourself, and don't complain", it make and does not make sense to me in a certain way. Is there a possible time for us to make a conclusion that one thing can't be change? That's what I thought. 

If I lived in a world without law enforcement, I think I'm the worst and most cruel supervillain by now.

Sanity

I felt that my skill of writing and expressing my feelings using words had turned worst after all these while, I'd tried to write here so many times, but when I wanted to start on my first word, there's just so many things in my mind, and lost of words. 

Somehow I felt whether is it true that I'd became more childish, or just too much thinking made me feel lost in things I do. "I realized at some point I lost my sanity" quoted by one of my friend in facebook, I think anyone will lose their sanity at some point. Recently, there's many happenings, things which I couldn't define myself whether am I happy doing it or the opposite. I felt I had gone selfish in certain ways, I'm not sure why myself had took this so importantly in my life, that I focused on it so much till I neglected great things around me. I know how people look at me, I know what their are thinking, but I'm just too tired to make any comments out of it. I did not do anything on purpose that will either hurt or being mysterious or hiding things, and I did not do things in the dark. I started to accept the fact that no matter how hard you try no matter how good or great you are, you will never satisfy everyone. Am I accepting this and lose my faith in people? I don't know it myself either, it maybe just a temporary breakdown which made me felt like that, or possibly I had accepted this fact. 

If I could be stronger and being able to see how people suffer without feeling anything, I wished I could have that ability temporarily to help me struggle through these times. 

November did not dissapoint me

I did not know how to express my gratitude and appreciation towards a group of people which put in so much effort,time and money in organizing such a large scale birthday event for me. I felt only a word "thank you" is not enough for you people, I need a larger word. I'm amazed on how things can be arranged with minimal leakage of information and I did not even see it coming, in that large scale. What I'm really happy about is how people came together wanting to give me a celebration, a party, a memory of a life time. I had a great time last night, thank you all. 

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| Chung Keat | Thank you for coming. Just getting to know you more recently, you always been very cheerful and relax. Thank you for just keeping that smile even at difficult times.

| Alvin | Thanks for getting all these prepared. Great place, great food, extraordinary effort. I like it all from the very start till the very end.

| Sing Yang | I don't remember I manage to talk to you during the event. Appreciate your time and effort to spice up my day with your attendance. Thank you so much for everything. :-)

| Lili | Lili, cheated me for so many times, I still seem to always fall for it. I need to work something out to avoid that again. But good prank last night, thank you so much. :-)

| Kai Lee | Your's coming soon, Kai Lee! >.< Thank you very much.

| Zhe Hui | You always been a very wise person in a way, thank you being there when I need. Thanks.

| Lex | Brother, eldest of us all. :-) Hey, thank you for being there all the time. I think we can always count on you all the time. 

| Mei Kuan | Korean Fantasy girl, thank you for being there last nite. Should have get you and your mates for some dance moves as performance >.< exclusive!

| Wei Jia | Hope you enjoy the night, it's great to see you adapting slowly, thank you very much for being there  for my birthday party. Peace! :-)

| Wai Lun | Woii... thank you yea. >.< 

| Yi Pin | Despite the tremendous amount of academic and non academic work, I really don't know how you find time for these. Thank you so much for the effort. :-)

| Ai Er | hummm........ you get what I wanna tell you right? 

| Lai Wah | Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank y.... it goes on and on till your next birthday. >.<

| Dorcas | Not bad at lying, I wonder whether you have start practising on your dad long time ago... hmmm... >.< thank you for preparing the video for me dorcas. Really appreciate it. 

| Saisa & Sabi | Thank you for being there. Seeing you and your sister at the party really made my day. Despite not being to understand mandarin, you still come. Thank you :-)

| Li Ting | Thank you for the thought of wanting to celebrate and making things special for me. Thank you. I owe you one next year. :-)

| Kok Wai | You're most welcome. 

| Xu Meng | 我因该不必多说吧。就这样就好了。食物好吃吗？

| Chee Han | Thank you being there all the time I need to talk and talk and talk. I like the watch, can give me another one? >.<

| Giap Chin | Giap giap, thanks for companion till the very late night supper. 

| Hann Yang | Don't worry about the car. Just pay. >.< thanks for being there last night, and preparing things for me, I also don't know how you find the time to do all that. Thank you thank you.

| Yin Sian | Looking forward to see you joining the group again! Thank you so much.

Hesitations

At most critical times in my life, I am always influence by my feelings. I trust my feeling a lot, but it don't always give me expected result. It brings me good and bad.

Now, directionless, pathless, lost filled my thoughts as I'm making decisions in this very particular issue. It's mostly simple, yet complicated. Am I making it complicated? I cant answer that, but I'm very clear with my hesitations. I'm very much worried that my feelings, too afraid to feel pain again. Many of us are in this situation before, while me, millions of times in this situation, I still never learn how to handle it the right way. I find myself in total white emptiness, it may seem calm and peace, yet hesitating where should I head out, or maybe I should just sit there because there might not be end.

I'm just worried my heart got diced again. I kept questioning what does she wants, but I know deep in my heart, I refused to make decisions, and purely just pushing the responsibility to her in making this decision. In the mist of all these, I'm building up burden and tension to myself.

Smile over sadness, laugh over teardrips.

Lost of words.

Losing passion in things I previously find interesting.

If I could get over my thoughts, smiles over my sadness, and laugh over my teardrops. I should start writing again real soon. 

Info-Graphics

The GPS coordinates are temporarily fake. Will update soon. Thanks.

I hope you guys would spend some time giving me some comments regarding the info-graphics that i designed. Thank you.

1. Do you like the layout of this design? YES/NO (Why)

2. Is this informative to you?

3. Is this clear enough to show you how to get to the location of the restaurant? [The GPS coordinate is temporarily a fake one. sorry. but yea, its meant to include the actual GPS coordinates at that position.]

4. Is the Icons clear to you?

5. Which would you emphasize more on knowing the details?
[Location/ Price/ Food Categories/ Taste/ Environment]

6. Suggestions and comments. Thank you.

Appreciate your effort to leave me some comments. Thanks again. :-)

Keeping Silence

Whenever I'm quiet, there's a lot of speculation out there. People would think I'm mad for no reason, "emo" or things which are relevantly negative in a way.

Whenever I'm quite, I'm thinking a lot in my mind, somehow I just dive into my thoughts, and left my skin running on autopilot mode.Whatever I do at that moment, it's not going through my mind, but rather I'm wondering in my own thoughts. "My head is often like a shopping mall, filled with memories and thoughts of different brands and quality, there's also dreams and reality. So, I shop when I have bad moods." I was marking my friends work in class earlier today, I was looking on a different image and marking on a different image, and I didn't even realize till my friend told me, "how come you are marking the same one with me?" I was shocked on how out of focus I was. It's dangerous, imagine I was am chopping food, i might only realize my fingers were gone when someone told me. [haha]

The matter in fact, yes, I'm thinking a lot today. It's never been anyone's fault, but me to accept "THIS IS HOW LIFE WORKS." I never learn to accept it, always had hope for the world to be a better place. I want to build trust in our world, and not to be so defensive and thinks whatever comes ahead might be a threat.

"I'm nice to you, and I hope you do too." 

Surprise

I think the thing I'm looking forward the most this year, is a surprise. Surprise which totally blow my mind, surprise that will make me speechless, a big surprise. Well, of course, this post is not meant to pressure friends whom are reading my blog to do anything for me, but I just wanna share about this little thing in my thoughts. [haha]

I organized quite a few surprise event for some friends, usually for birthday events. And some are special case, personal, and probably not a good idea for me to mentioned here. I always had this urge to do something different, especially a surprise event. The one which i remember clearly is when I was celebrating birthday for 2 close friends at a time. One male and another female, me and a few friends transform my house living room into a romantic candle light atmosphere. And we even dressed formal to serve both of them. We tricked them to our house, saying that my dad's company dinner has empty slot and invited all of us to go and formal attire. They came nicely dressed and were surprise when they saw my living room. We prepare meals for them and prepare music and stuff like that. It was indeed a memorable ones.

Well, that were the one I remembered clearly of my surprise event that I organized. The most surprising event that happened on me is done by another friend. It's meant for me, during my birthday, I totally didn't see it coming. And when I get back, a huge group of my close friends were already sitting on the dining table waiting for my arrival. I was so nervous, about how I should react. I wasn't prepared for any of that. It was really nice. Love it and living till now to remember it.[haha]

So, if were given a wish. I wish for a surprise. 

First Attempt @ Smoke Photography

Crap Talk

Always love those days filled with activities. Morning, as planned, we [me, yipin, weijia] headed to KLCC for a exhibition, though we are not too sure what's the exhibition is all about [thanks to ms ice cream]. On the way, we dropped by lowyat to get some gadgets. Just got my portable external Seagate harddisc, it actually came with a 5 years warranty. I just thought its worth the price.
Then, headed to KLCC, cant enter, due to the exhibition requires a more formal dressing, and we actually went in shorts[=.="]. [Dang!] All the way from Sunway and can't enter. Anyway, the rest of the day were pretty much interesting to me, but describing it here would some how be boring to read about.






Listen to this: Crap Talk - Episode 1 @ Spanish Chinese

The Malaysian Books

I had always wanted to do something for Malaysia. When ideas hit your mind, there's just so many things I wanted to do. Anyway, I have this concept of using a book to travel around the world, rather than a Malaysian to travel around the world.
Often younger generations nowadays always had bad thoughts about Malaysia. You may ask them to tell you what's good about Malaysia, it might take them some time. Try asking them the bad things about Malaysia, they may just easily list out a hundred to you. Complaints may start from bad public transportation till ugly school uniforms. Instead, overseas country to them is always better. Thus, I want to share with Malaysians all around the world, that Malaysia may not be the perfect country, but it takes us all to make it the perfect place for us and the generations to come. To me, once a Malaysian, always a Malaysian. Despite all the bad critics about Malaysia, I still say I am proud to be a Malaysian, I stayed loyal and do my responsibility to make Malaysia a better place.
I still think we need not depend on our government or any party to promise us any improvement of the country, but rather depend on ourselves on how can we help to improve the life of Malaysians. My idea of this book is to let Malaysians all around the world to voice what they felt, and what they think so that we learn to accept and stop pin-pointing, and let's hold hands to make this the perfect place for all of us. 

I did not know what thought me to be patriotic, even though we were being thought in primary school and secondary school during our moral subject. But I'm pretty sure those patriotic spirit don't come from those books. Probably it was caused by my parents, they don't always agree on a similar point when they read about political issues in the newspaper or on the television. One would agree and another would go against, each stating out their own interpretations of the situation. It actually helps me to look things from many point of view, rather than just plainly look from the bad side of it and start criticizing things about Malaysia. I wouldn't say I'm the perfect Malaysian, and I did not dislike and cursed Malaysia before, there are times where things just got up my nerves. However, one thing I am sure of that I love Malaysia.

---> The Malaysian Books will be releasing soon, with a more detailed elaboration on how it works and how do be part of it. Stay tuned for it, it's something we can all start with to make Malaysia a better place with some little effort.

The Mood to Blog

I think [...] I shifted my computer out of my room last week, cause I really couldn't stand facing the 4 sided blank white wall inside my room. I just felt really uncomfortable.  As I was writing this post, it is raining cats and dogs outside now. The feeling just felt really good, probably most of the time, I was hidden inside my room, and hardly hear the sound of the raindrop when its rains. Eventhough some might say that they have no privacy doing things in the living hall, since everyone is walking around and able to see what you are doing. I just felt that peace and freedom out of it, what made it better was the rain.

I can hardly describe my feelings now, but it was all plain good and peace. I just felt like blogging about it. [>.<]

You know what's hard?

Went out the last friday, with few of my friends [yipin, wailun, kok wai, dorcas], headed to the Youth Festival 2010 held in PWTC. It was so well publicized by the organizer, and it was supposed to be the largest youth festival ever held in Malaysia. And so yea, I worked out my day plan and we went. I decided not to drive, since I have been hungering for photoshoot with my old 350D for quite some time. We embarked on our journey using KTM headed to PWTC and along the way what i wanted to do most, shoot.

Life's has been pretty easy for me for the past few weeks. I ate a lot, I met a lot of people and I did a lot of things, most of my time are pretty packed up. It felt good to have all my energy flowing throughout my body and get things done. Just one of the memories I refused to remember is I sang for a singing competition. [haha] It's a long long story, but yeah, it's rather an funny and embarrassing experience. Well, [yea] as I said, life was really easy for me, going around KL area with KTM was rather fun and relaxing for me. I don't really have to think and pay attention on the road all the time. For once, I could actually stare at the droplets of water on the window of the train with a completely blank mind.

We spent two hours at the youth festival, it was not a very well planned event I would say. Disappointment hits me. The only thing would really compensate would be that I managed to see Dato Siti Nurhaliza up close live in person. That's basically all that I would write about the event. Then, we headed to Brickfields to participate in the Wesak Day celebration in one of the famous temple.  All in all, tiring yet enjoyable day for me.

Completing assignments, and connecting with friends, apparently not the issue which bothers me the most, it somehow came automatically to me. Though yes, I had to admit, there's still many unsolved friendship issues. It's not something fixable, but to wait things to get its flow and start anew. What's hard now is... Nothing.

I'm a Hero

Something suddenly stroke my mind today. I have been living my life to the fullest for the past few weeks. Noticing things that I had been missing out, regaining my friendships which I had left behind. And always to realize how fortunate I am, and how great and wonderful my life is.

There's one question that has been in my mind for many years, and many years I thought I found the answer to it. Am I good? Am I a Hero? Why am I helping people? Today, it all made sense to me, for the very first time. Yes, I m good. Yes, I am a Hero in my own heart, and I followed my heart.

Yet, of course. I wasn't born a hero, I was made a Hero by the people I loved. My parents were my source of ability and my strength. If my dad were not great enough, I could not afford to "Give". If my mom were not wonderful enough, I would not be able to "Take".

I am a Hero, made by my parents.  

Adobe Flash CS4 Drawing

Version 1: Mind & Me

Improved Version : Mind and Me

Panorama Craze @ Home

Famous Mong Kok

The day started by visit to the Harbor City, a walk away from the Tsim Sha Tsui MTR. Along the walk there, expensive brand shops like LV, Gucci, and many more, people were queue-ing up into the store[=.="]. Some say things are cheaper there, but it seems like its more filled with local people. They don't look like tourist to me[:p].

This is the view outside on the balcony of Harbor City. What I really like about Hong Kong, is the weather. Its just slightly colder than warm, and windy. This is taken in the afternoon, the tower there being partially blocked by the fog, looks like the link to the heaven[being influenced by the movie, Jackson Percy and the Lightning Thief].

[Well, yea this is Tsim Sha Tsui.]

Here comes Mong Kok[also known as "Wang Jiao" in Chinese], it surprises me when I first walked out from the subway station. Street were so busy, not by car, but people walking to various destinations. There are a few streets were they closed down for night market, can't remember what those streets are. The shops around here usually are concept stores selling Nike shoes, Adidas, Electronics Shops, selling phones, and household electronics. There are also some selling food and drinks.

[Me.]

Since one of the shop are selling cheap "Xiao Long Bao", a set like this  cost about 10HKD[RM5], went in and give it a try. Well, it's good, but I remember tasting it before almost the same in KL, one of the shops in The Garden, so it doesn't really impress me a lot.

This is the view from The Avenue of Stars, looking to the City on Hong Kong Island. Sound and light show, the lights from the building syncronised with the sound at where we are standing. Cool.

Picture of me before ending the day. [COOL WEATHER! my hair, a work done by the wind. :p]

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*Next post tomorrow.:p