Hesitations

At most critical times in my life, I am always influence by my feelings. I trust my feeling a lot, but it don't always give me expected result. It brings me good and bad.

Now, directionless, pathless, lost filled my thoughts as I'm making decisions in this very particular issue. It's mostly simple, yet complicated. Am I making it complicated? I cant answer that, but I'm very clear with my hesitations. I'm very much worried that my feelings, too afraid to feel pain again. Many of us are in this situation before, while me, millions of times in this situation, I still never learn how to handle it the right way. I find myself in total white emptiness, it may seem calm and peace, yet hesitating where should I head out, or maybe I should just sit there because there might not be end.

I'm just worried my heart got diced again. I kept questioning what does she wants, but I know deep in my heart, I refused to make decisions, and purely just pushing the responsibility to her in making this decision. In the mist of all these, I'm building up burden and tension to myself.

Smile over sadness, laugh over teardrips.

Lost of words.

Losing passion in things I previously find interesting.

If I could get over my thoughts, smiles over my sadness, and laugh over my teardrops. I should start writing again real soon.