Monday, May 16, 2011

Fake Smiles

A week of alone time has much to offer me, especially in self realization, self understanding and self development. I never know respond to things alone gave me more space to breath and rest. It's never been an incident or an event that lead me to my path now, rather than its always a tolerations of strings of events. When it hits the red bar, it just need a tiny spark to set it exploding.

Anyway, it had been happening for quite some time, that i felt friendship lost its integrity of love and understanding, too much fake smiles and talk just to be careful of what the consequences might be. One talk to me about friendship, that I do not care and understand her situation. "I never took time to understand you?" first thing came to my mind. I felt people are taking for granted of what they have and owned when things are happening at ease to what they wanted. As again, people are disposable. No one cant move on without the existence of one person.

Truthfully, I felt free that I no longer need to take care, lead, or keep a list of what everyone needs and wants. I don't know how I sound to everyone right now, may it be selfish, or childish, or loosing faith in mankind, it doesn't matter to me. I may hate or dislike friends right now, but i know sooner or later, that heart of mine will regain its passion and trust to do what I do best, making people stick together. For now, that heart is sobbing in a dark corner, saddened by the case that people are not being real and true to themselves, or in another lost of love, and covered by self-centerness for benefits.

I hope we can all put down that mask and really start thinking, really deeply that what we do, is it for the great of people, or is it purely the benefit of ourself. When we say we cross the line, what set the distance or the line, money? Everyone wants to save more money for themselves, why not think of a better and fair way, rather than pushing the unseen cost to be bare by another one.

I end this, with the hopes of the days we would no longer need the existence of fake smiles around.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Bye Facebook, Hi Blogger

In a way, we know everything follows a certain trend, from fashion till human behavior. The weakest thing on earth, the human minds. Its so rigid that they tend to always follow what's common. Anything beyond common would known as weird, or against the law. Today, I stand in the thin line between whats normal and weird.What I'm happy is, I stand alone.

Saturday, November 27, 2010


I'm quite sick with a lot of stereotyping statement, "too much work too little time", "not enough sleep", "i'm so tired", etc. Can see this in facebook almost everyday. 

I felt the instant relieved of my stress after my dad and sis dropped by yesterday and pay me a visit, it just felt very natural, I talk what I want to talk, I do what I want to eat. It just feel free. I've been too bounded by what we call theory of life here, like "somethings are not meant to say", "usage of words", "relevance of the topic of chat", "options for food", and many others.

Writing till this point, maybe I'd just magnified my own problems. Apart from all those issues that I'd been complaining, that's actually just one main one. It's always a hard matter to talk about, I want people to know but I can't let everyone know, otherwise, people would think I'm making publicity of it. I think the reason I would want to write in a blog, its probably some read it and some don't read it. Yet, I still need consider the consequences of such decision to write about it here.

Sometimes I wonder whether I'm over obsess with statement like this "great power comes great responsibility" and "either you die as a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself turn into a villain". In a more realistic world, it's not about having any superpowers, but having a clear mind and a strong heart. When I was having supper yesterday night, I saw this statement from a TV ads, "if you can't change it, change yourself, and don't complain", it make and does not make sense to me in a certain way. Is there a possible time for us to make a conclusion that one thing can't be change? That's what I thought. 

If I lived in a world without law enforcement, I think I'm the worst and most cruel supervillain by now.

Thursday, November 25, 2010


I felt that my skill of writing and expressing my feelings using words had turned worst after all these while, I'd tried to write here so many times, but when I wanted to start on my first word, there's just so many things in my mind, and lost of words. 
Somehow I felt whether is it true that I'd became more childish, or just too much thinking made me feel lost in things I do. "I realized at some point I lost my sanity" quoted by one of my friend in facebook, I think anyone will lose their sanity at some point. Recently, there's many happenings, things which I couldn't define myself whether am I happy doing it or the opposite. I felt I had gone selfish in certain ways, I'm not sure why myself had took this so importantly in my life, that I focused on it so much till I neglected great things around me. I know how people look at me, I know what their are thinking, but I'm just too tired to make any comments out of it. I did not do anything on purpose that will either hurt or being mysterious or hiding things, and I did not do things in the dark. I started to accept the fact that no matter how hard you try no matter how good or great you are, you will never satisfy everyone. Am I accepting this and lose my faith in people? I don't know it myself either, it maybe just a temporary breakdown which made me felt like that, or possibly I had accepted this fact. 

If I could be stronger and being able to see how people suffer without feeling anything, I wished I could have that ability temporarily to help me struggle through these times. 

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

November did not dissapoint me

I did not know how to express my gratitude and appreciation towards a group of people which put in so much effort,time and money in organizing such a large scale birthday event for me. I felt only a word "thank you" is not enough for you people, I need a larger word. I'm amazed on how things can be arranged with minimal leakage of information and I did not even see it coming, in that large scale. What I'm really happy about is how people came together wanting to give me a celebration, a party, a memory of a life time. I had a great time last night, thank you all. 

| Chung Keat | Thank you for coming. Just getting to know you more recently, you always been very cheerful and relax. Thank you for just keeping that smile even at difficult times.

| Alvin | Thanks for getting all these prepared. Great place, great food, extraordinary effort. I like it all from the very start till the very end.

| Sing Yang | I don't remember I manage to talk to you during the event. Appreciate your time and effort to spice up my day with your attendance. Thank you so much for everything. :-)

| Lili | Lili, cheated me for so many times, I still seem to always fall for it. I need to work something out to avoid that again. But good prank last night, thank you so much. :-)

| Kai Lee | Your's coming soon, Kai Lee! >.< Thank you very much.

| Zhe Hui | You always been a very wise person in a way, thank you being there when I need. Thanks.

| Lex | Brother, eldest of us all. :-) Hey, thank you for being there all the time. I think we can always count on you all the time. 

| Mei Kuan | Korean Fantasy girl, thank you for being there last nite. Should have get you and your mates for some dance moves as performance >.< exclusive!

| Wei Jia | Hope you enjoy the night, it's great to see you adapting slowly, thank you very much for being there  for my birthday party. Peace! :-)

| Wai Lun | Woii... thank you yea. >.< 

| Yi Pin | Despite the tremendous amount of academic and non academic work, I really don't know how you find time for these. Thank you so much for the effort. :-)

| Ai Er | hummm........ you get what I wanna tell you right? 

| Lai Wah | Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank y.... it goes on and on till your next birthday. >.<

| Dorcas | Not bad at lying, I wonder whether you have start practising on your dad long time ago... hmmm... >.< thank you for preparing the video for me dorcas. Really appreciate it. 

| Saisa & Sabi | Thank you for being there. Seeing you and your sister at the party really made my day. Despite not being to understand mandarin, you still come. Thank you :-)

| Li Ting | Thank you for the thought of wanting to celebrate and making things special for me. Thank you. I owe you one next year. :-)

| Kok Wai | You're most welcome. 

| Xu Meng | 我因该不必多说吧。就这样就好了。食物好吃吗?

| Chee Han | Thank you being there all the time I need to talk and talk and talk. I like the watch, can give me another one? >.<

| Giap Chin | Giap giap, thanks for companion till the very late night supper. 

| Hann Yang | Don't worry about the car. Just pay. >.< thanks for being there last night, and preparing things for me, I also don't know how you find the time to do all that. Thank you thank you.

| Yin Sian | Looking forward to see you joining the group again! Thank you so much.