Thursday, June 18, 2009


The word "change" really meant a lot to me this time. A lot of things has been changing, from the very outer part of me till deep inside my soul. Had been thinking whether its a good change or a bad change, but its something I want myself to change. Somehow, I don't have the feeling of missing my past. Something I don't mind losing it.

It's been rather a good and interesting 7 weeks in my new environment. Things had been well controlled so far. Probably everything's still good when it's new. Well, I am expecting things to differ by the next semester. Can't really forecast what's up next, but we can only pray for the best.

Felt quite good on writing this post. It's relaxing, even there's still piles of work needed to be completed within the next few days. Yet, taking my time out, spilling words on my blog which has been neglected for the past few days. Anyway, back to the real topic, Change. Did the way i write my post change?

Recently, I had been hanging on the phone with some old friends for quite a long time. Talking regarding me, and things I wanted to share, my thoughts. I knew I'm changing, no longer some one I would call "nice". It's really true from the batman story, "It's either you die as a Hero, or you live long enough to see yourself turning into a villain.". Of course, I wouldn't call myself as a Hero, but I think those who knew me knew I was good, or some of them even said 'too good'. I hardly say no to anyone. And I really those appreciate those who really helped me during times I needed them the most. Even it's just a little, my gratitude was countlessly huge.

I started to hate people now. I started to want to take revenge on people. I started to feel it's unfair of how good people was treated. I won't kill, I won't hit, I don't do crimes and evil, but I hope and curse you to the worst. I started to think what's good left on this place we are all sharing. Call me close minded, I don't care. But I failed in something I wanted to do most, inspiring people to be good. Bad people live better. Am i wrong?

How I looked today, was strokes by different brushes from the past. Bad strokes produce bad drawings. The thing is I am changing, for something that I lost faith in.

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