Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Things are turning down

Just when I thought things are fine and peace, [sigh] ....

It always don't last long...

It had been awhile since my last posting, loads of assignments and projects are heavy pressuring my body and mind. However, this is not the problem. I enjoyed doing my work.

I find it hard to trust people, probably due to the previous scar which is still clearly carved in my heart. Some say, "A scar in the mind, might be easy to forget, but a scar in the heart stays forever." Well, that scar is in my heart.
Thought that I learned my lesson and knew to handle these things better here in my new environment. Yet, another failure. Apart from not being able to hold firm to my policies and goals, I tend to still be my old self. Nothing much change, other than my new hair cut, and even just the hair cut, I don't feel comfortable with it.
There's many things that I wanted to share, just made me realize I'm all by myself. I'm not seeking for sympathy and I'm not sad or disappointed for not having anyone. I still have my family, just that I'm staying a distance away from them now.

There's many things in my mind, find it really hard to get it out. Furthermore, knowing my blog will be read by some of my friends around me, I had to find ways to spill my feelings. Truthfully, right now, I'm feeling disappointment, cheap, and upset. You might find it hard to believe when I said I feel alone, cause there's always people looking for me. Well, people find me when they need, I'm nothing afterthat. I'm quite fed up with this, but I just cant stand seeing people having hardtime and I'm not doing anything. [sigh]

Damn it, I have been saying these for so many times.

The main point is, there's another matter starting to leave a mark, still unsure whether it will be in the heart or mind, but I'm definitely feeling the pain in my heart now.

8 comments:

Lex said...

What happened ler my friend?

Joe Jian said...

awh.. don't be upset! cheer up!

Zhiqin said...

bad day...bad week...

mixtures of all the kept feeling, which now leads me to a emotional unstable state.

Not due to work, but more to personal issues... sigh...

But dun worry, I'm all fine. Just need a place to spill my feelings. I'm great in the surface :-) Thanks a lot for your concern...
Thanks Joe Jian too...
anyway, nice display pic :-)

Yi Pin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Yi Pin said...

yeah.. i noticed that, everybody has their 'hey Zhi Qin / Albert' moments throughout the day. hhaha

well, thats because your so helpful. Maybe you can relate to this or maybe not, but theres something i know for myself - whether you feel lonely or tired, whatever you feel.. people still need to be helped (wouldnt you say so?)

maybe u feel like used and thrown, actually most of them time we know you are very stretched but still try to help everyone, thats why people ask for your help and then after that leave u alone to continue that flow. Once things settle down, not so busy.. i think the situation probably wont be the same anymore =)

you're also a source of liveliness actually..whenever your in a group, that group will be more fun, lively, attuned to the moment because of your personality, you bring out the positive side (more, or less..) of people.

i dont know your past, but not being able to hold firm to policies and goals and being your old self..its not that things are going wrong.. its just how things are, theres no wrong or right. Try to just accept it and let yourself be.. either you are changing, or havent changed much.. thats the reality of it, right? Reality, is not a question with right or wrong answers... nobody can say for sure how things will turn out, but the best way to face the world is to be at peace with yourself first. Dont have to try.. just let go if it already passed. one way or another, you already learned something from that experience.

k la, pardon my long post, but i dont really have a knack of writing short and meaningful comments. lol

weiting said...

well i know what u mean by scar in the heart...cause i did too.Dissapointed,cheap and upset?Hmm...ii not gonna say cheer up cause i think sometimes its ok to feel these kind of feelings.Sometimes we just neeed to get sad for a while but only for a while then raise up back.So i guess i won't stop you from feeling upset,just ''remember to stand back again and fight''.Be proud of yourself cause you have your own abudances.

onnwah said...

things went head-wire?? so sorry for neglecting your lately progress in life after i went kl. i am not very sure which 'past' you were saying... as there is too much incidents happened.. but i think you really have a bunch of true and sincere friend such as yi pin.(a big applause for Yi Pin, hooray~)What she said is true that people do appreciate your sacrifices most of the time.you never feel it because in everyone's mind you are the all-rounder that if a problem you cant solved, what about us? sometimes, you might want to try to ask for help from those you helped. i think you will definitely received good responses. if you never ask, no one will know what is the difficulty you are facing as they thought you have no problems.(although no one has no problems) No harm asking for helps AND do not get angry if the people you think should have helped you never lend a helping hand. You can always did the same in future as it is not your fault at the first place. hope you will be able to digest my words.. best of luck to you.......

Zhiqin said...

hmm...thanks guys... all those words meant a lot to me... I'm still in my own lost world..searching for a way out.